Healing HOME

For parents, grandparents and others who wonder how best to relate to nonverbal autistic children, and into the teens, I can only share what keeps my son happy (while understanding that every child is different). It is, in a word, silly! Silliness, silly humor…think of clowns and how they exaggerate their movements and expressions. Mimes work this way too. Exaggerate things, make mountains of mole hills, and make it silly.

After a shower, put a Q-Tip in your ear in front of your child. Swirl it around, look all around with your eyes, and be incredibly open-mouth surprised when it comes out yellow. Say and sign the word yellow. (I just did this minutes ago and my son laughed with delight, which prompted this post.) Make the “E” sound out loud while you brush your teeth together, and “AH” to reach the molars, and an exaggerated “T” sound when you spit into the sink. And don’t forget to give a thumbs-up when you’re done!

This is the sort of engagement that keeps these angel-children in a state of en-joy-ment, and when you must come down from these silly highs, being calm, gentle and full of love will amplify your child’s sense of security and comfort at home. Why is this important?

Happiness generates happy hormones that keep our children in a relaxation response, which is much better for their health. It’s so easy to get triggered out of it – it only takes a flash of fear – but it takes more effort to get back into a relaxation response once the stress response has been triggered. (Note: the stress response is truly bad for our health, and if it’s chronic stress, it leads to chronic health problems.)

It only takes about 3 minutes of slow breathing to return the autonomic nervous system back to health-generating homeostasis. I’ve taught my son (in an exaggerated fashion, of course), how to take a deep breath through the nose and – cheeks ballooned like a puffer fish – hold it for a finger-count of 5 before making a tiny mouth-circle – again, silliness! – to exhale slower than the inhale. Put your hand in the cool stream of air. This makes it fun, and you’ll find that 3 minutes goes very quickly.

Letting autistic children (all children, for that matter) know that you enjoy their presence – and life itself! – will help to lengthen their telomeres and prolong the healthspan of their life. They bring so much joy into the lives of others that their unique energy is truly refreshing. We can focus on the little delights of each moment, and in the moment is where we meet these special children in their space. They are always in the now.  

How can we keep ourselves in the now?

• Limit use of technologies that pull us away from tangible reality.
• Steer clear of encouraging memories that pull the mind into drama.
• Avoid worrying by doing what you can and letting go of the rest.
• Take salt baths or scrub with salts in the shower.
• Do what you love, love what you do, or fake it ‘til you make it.
• Stay busy! Life is too fleeting and precious to not do this.

Stay well, my friends, and cultivate your own inner child to relate to children with autism, and to awaken lost aspects of the adult self that get carried into a stream of meaningless happenings. Nurture your spirit. Autistic children can show you how, and there you find a mutual language of Being In Joy.